Rape

This blog is primarily about makeup, but it is also a place where I can express myself, a place where I can vent and feel safe.  This has become increasingly important to me in the recent weeks.  Why?  Because I no longer feel safe in this country.

Rape is something that is often spoken about but seldom understood.  It is something that petrifies some people but is a joke to others.  To the survivors, the word strikes fear, and to the innocent, it is just a word.

Rape isn’t a small thing, and it is unbelievably complicated.  Rape isn’t just about consent, it is about informed consent, safety and trust.

Just because someone doesn’t say no, doesn’t mean that they say yes

Is alcohol or drugs involved?  Is the person of sound mind?  Are you really making sure they are consenting?  Sometimes people don’t get the opportunity to say no because they are ambushed, knocked out or paralysed with fear.

The rape culture in Northern Ireland has recently come into the spotlight due to a certain individual… Paddy Jackson.  The details of the case are known by the public, and seemingly everyone thinks that he did it, and yet he was found innocent.  Despite the text messages, the statements, the witness… this man was found innocent.

I know that some people are wondering whether she is telling the truth.  They are asking if it was nothing more than a cry for attention, but unfortunately, the results of this trial have affected more than just her.  This trial has affected every victim, every potential victim, and every assailant in the country.

I can’t imagine how that poor girl feels.  The strength it must have taken to open up about that, to speak about it in a courtroom, to live through that experience.  The strength it must have taken to relive that experience, to have your horror story questioned, to have your nightmare made into a joke.

Every victim shed a tear at that result because it was the day that their worst nightmare came true, the day their hope was shattered.  It was the day that they realised that anyone could get away with it, the day that they felt worthless, the day the fear of no-one believing them came true.

Every attacker felt a sigh of relief because if someone could get away with it, why can’t they?

I have never felt more afraid walking around town that what I do right now.  This trial has stripped my hope, my belief in the justice system, and my belief in people.  However, one good thing has come from this… conversation.

Rape has never been talked about more, people have never been as aware as they are now, and as unsafe as everyone feels, at least we can support one another because we are not alone.

 

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The Story Of This Blog

Starting a website, business or blog is never easy, but it is most certainly worth it.  There is something unbelievably satisfying and addictive about following a dream, especially when there is a chance that you might achieve a dream that you once thought was impossible and out of reach.  Starting this blog was a huge leap forward for me in many ways.  This blog is not only my outlet, a way to relax and a way to express myself, it is also a physical display of my strength, determination and dedication towards achieving my goals.

When I was thirteen I filmed my first youtube video.  The video was a makeup tutorial that was filmed on a terrible phone, and the quality of the video was shocking.  I didn’t know that you could edit the video, and I didn’t know half of the things about makeup, filming, lighting and editing as I do now.  However, that video did something wonderful, it taught me a lesson about myself.  That video taught me that I need to follow my passion, and that my big dreams are nothing to be ashamed of.  However, I have been very sick for a few years, and I have been unable to get out of bed some days, never mind follow my dreams.

For years, the idea of having a blog and a Youtube channel was in the back of my mind, and my passion for makeup only grew stronger and stronger, until I finally decided that it was time to leave my past behind, get up and follow those big dreams that I had lost hope in.  I think that sometimes I am afraid to take chances because I am too afraid of what people think, I am afraid of being judged or ridiculed, but I don’t think that I am going to care about what I did on my death bed, I am going to care about what I didn’t do.

That is how this blog was born, this blog was born out of me having hope for the future, hope of happiness, peace and love.  A lot has happened to me this year that has diminished any shred of hope or happiness that I once had, but that’s the funny thing, rather than be bitter, hurt and sad, I decided that it was time to funnel that energy into getting away from what hurt me.

I decided to write this post because I wanted you to learn from my mistakes, and I wanted you to know me better.  If I had one wish it would be that I believed in myself and my abilities sooner.  I wish that I didn’t let the bullies get to me and diminish my hope, I wish that I had the strength to ignore the negativity, and I wish that I had the same knowledge a few years ago as I do now.

Anyway, this blog is a part of me and I am so proud of how far it has come in the short space of time that it has been live, and I am grateful to all of my subscribers and viewers as you are helping me achieve my dreams.

Thank you so much!  I wish you all the best, and I hope that you all achieve all of your dreams as well!

Bucket List Ideas

Everyone has a bucket list, or at least everyone has a few things that they’d like to do before they die! There are so many wonderful places and things to do in life, and it is my intention to try and experience as much as I can while I am able to.

I wrote my first bucket list when I was about ten years old, and as you could expect, the entries were along the lines of getting the new Bratz doll, becoming a famous actress and going to the moon. As I have gotten a little older, I think that it is safe to say that my tastes have changed!

So here are a few entries from my current bucket list!

· Go to Fiji

Fiji is one of those magical places that I have always seen on Instagram. The crystal-clear water, the white sandy beaches and the endless supply of gorgeous food and natural wonders makes Fiji an absolute dream!

· Drive the great ocean road

The great ocean road is a 243km road and a recognised tourist destination in Australia. Along the road there are various attractions, places to eat and experiences to enjoy, as well as the stunning views over the ocean. To some this may seem like a relatively boring experience, but I think that there is something relaxing about just driving, looking at the views and stopping at the coastal towns and experiencing what they have to offer.

· Get over my fear of deep water

I don’t know whether it is a fear of the unknown, a fear of drowning, or a fear of both, but I cannot get into deep water without freaking out! I would really like to tackle my fear and then maybe go snorkelling, swimming with dolphins or just be able to get into a swimming pool!

· Be an extra

Maybe this is playing into my fantasy of becoming a famous actress, which is extremely unrealistic, but I would love to be an extra on TV.

· Learn a new language

Speaking a foreign language is something that I have always wanted to do! I currently speak Spanish relatively well, but I’ve always wanted to learn Japanese and French! So, it is on my bucket list to learn how to speak Spanish and another language. I think that it is a wonderful and very useful skill, as well as a way to enjoy and immerse yourself in other cultures!

· Become a morning person

There is something about getting up in the morning that immediately puts me in a bad mood. Whether it is the lack of sleep, the amount of light, or the realisation that there aren’t enough hours in the day, but regardless, I hate mornings. I would love to condition my body to be able to get up in the morning and be productive!

So, there are a few of my bucket list ideas! I know that they aren’t terribly exciting, but I think that the smallest win can be the biggest achievement.

10 Things I Have Learnt In 2017

2017 was a bit of a turbulent year for me for various personal reasons… my health had deteriorated, my boyfriend broke up with me, and I had ended up entering an unhealthy way of life. However, despite how absolutely crap this year has been, I have learnt so many important life lessons, and I wanted to share them with you.

1. Not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay

Before, if someone didn’t like me I felt this strong urge to try and please them, and this often led to me over-stretching myself, or me becoming someone I wasn’t.

There are over 7 billion people on this planet, and it’s okay if some of them don’t like me.

2. I don’t have to hate people who I don’t like

It’s a natural thing for us to have negative emotions to people we don’t like, but I have realised that it is such a drain on my energy and positivity. Of course, there are some people that I don’t like for various reasons, but I have learnt that there is no need to hate someone that you simply just don’t get on with.

3. Stop getting upset at stuff you can’t control

Sure, I missed the train and that’s really annoying, but there is no need to let that small detail ruin the rest of my day, and possibly ruin other people’s days. There are so many things in life we can’t control, but we can control how we react to those things, and you can choose to react positively and you can choose to move on.

4. Perspective is a wonderful thing

Do you ever look back at a situation and realise that you have the same number of IQ points as a tuna toastie? There have been so many times that I have cringed a ridiculous amount at something I’ve said, and then I have dwelled on it and ended up creating an even more awkward situation. I have learnt to just accept what happened and move on, and it has made such a difference to my attitude towards things.

5. I do not need someone to make me feel valued

I used to feel so self-conscious when I was alone in public, and I never would have had coffee or lunch alone. However, recently I have learnt the joy in taking a few hours to myself and relaxing. I used to feel like if I didn’t have someone then no-one wanted me, but that is not true. It’s okay to need some space and perspective, and it’s okay to like it.

6. I do not have to prove anything to anyone

I do not have to buy my coffee on a date to prove that I can, and It’s okay to accept a little help from people. I used to think that accepting help made me weak, and that I had to prove my strength by never showing weakness. However, I have recently realised how exhausting that is! It is okay to let someone buy you coffee, or to let someone give you their jacket, or to let someone help you. In fact, I have learnt that life is a little less lonely when you accept help.

7. Love and lust are completely different things

Love is an intense feeling of affection. Love is feeling completely safe and content in the arms of someone. Love is dropping everything for someone. Love is when the most difficult things become easy when they’re involved.

Lust is desire fuelled by passion, and while it’s okay to be in love with someone and to be in lust with them at the same time, I have learnt that it’s not as good to just be in lust with someone.

8. Eat that cupcake

As someone who has struggled with my weight and my body image, I have learnt that size doesn’t matter, and it is what’s inside that really counts. I have learnt that letting go of control is a relief, and that having all of that control just adds more pressure.

9. Stand up for yourself

After years of being bullied, tormented and put down, I have finally found my voice, and I have never felt more empowered than what I do now. I have learnt that it’s okay to say no, that it’s okay to defend yourself, and it’s okay to have an opinion. This is a lesson I probably should have learnt when I was younger, and unfortunately, I never did… better late than never!

10. Never be embarrassed about having a passion

I used to be so ashamed, embarrassed and afraid of being bullied that I never followed my passions. I never started that Youtube channel because I was too afraid of being teased. I never dressed the way I wanted to because I didn’t want to draw attention towards myself, and I never wore my makeup the way I wanted to in case I looked out of place.

I spent so much time trying to fit in, trying to be the same due to a fear of being noticed and teased. I did this to protect myself, but instead, I ended up losing myself.

Now, I wear what I want no matter where I am going, and I don’t care if I’m overdressed or underdressed. I wear my makeup the way I want to, and I don’t do it to look good for someone, I do it because I feel beautiful.

2017 has been the worst year of my life, but I have found my voice and myself. I am so grateful for everyone that made my life hell, because they are the people who have made me as strong, as empowered and as carefree as I am now.